Saturday, July 24, 2010


It happens so many times. You go to a party. You are having a fabulous time only to be cruelly disrupted out of your temporary bliss by the arrival of people you seriously, irrevocably and of course, very understandably detest.

From the clenched cheeked smiles to the very discreet but obvious inspection of your outfit, your looks and your date-These are the type one of the Complete Moronic Types who feel the need to compete with everything on two, three or four legs that gets more attention than them.

The stories I could tell you..

Once, to my complete and utter delight I had the honour of being the subject of unfathomable envy to the power of infinity. Logic said that since I was thought to be somewhat fashionable, this complete jackass (a prime example of what I was earlier talking about) copied my exact wardrobe down to the silly kind of cheap hair clips I wore. Now with all my adolescent glory, I spent many an evening outwardly scowling but secretly enjoying the company of her very embarrassing faux pas’. I later gifted my pair of old shoes to her after much polishing and repairing just for the satisfaction of sniggering behind her back. Such is the devious mind of a modern female teenager.

I still have some vestiges of the above qualities left, but it had scaled impressive heights at a certain point of time. Not to sound very self obsessive, but I find myself as the best example of how misanthropists rock the world. From arm-twisting self important people (figuratively) to quietly enjoying vicarious rewards, I won every bet against society. No matter if the worlds of various detestable men and women came crashing around them. I was a master at manipulation and my sympathies were for no one.

Spending a lot of time watching American movies, reading psychoanalysis journals and with people whom I secretly believed were dropped around a lot as babies, what I ultimately decided to do was only natural.

Again, it was a party. A very memorable party. I am sure you would remember it too if you were privy to the time and place of the event.

A trusting, affectionate and credulous friend of mine had put yours truly in charge of arranging food and drink. It was the graduation party. Actually, a couple of smiles and the usual social coquetries got me the job really. After that it was only the simple affair of sprinkling a bit of tartar emetic into the food and drinks. It looks like your ordinary table salt. Very digestible and non-traceable apparently. Of course the credulous concerned friend was to be compulsorily served. I had no intention of this grand finale back firing.

Anyway, the timing or the situation couldn’t have been more perfect. Once I arrived at the venue I only had to charm my way through the elite hierarchy of lambs to reach the beverage source. I was very sad to poison all of them. But I literally had no choice. You see, I had already spent a lot of money at the chemist’s.

It made some 20 congested lines in the 3rd page of the local newspaper with the headline claiming “30 dead after excessive partying”. The article blamed everything beginning from drugs to indiscipline lifestyles.

Morons, right?

Today I am in another time and another dimension, enjoying the hard earned fruits of my labour peacefully without the interfering presence of my friend.

It was almost obscenely easy to get away with it. Just keep quiet and nobody will notice.

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